Your teen walks in the door, sullen, quiet, braved faced but you can see they’re holding back tears.
They tell you the first exam went terribly. They froze. Their mind went blank.
They say it’s all ruined.
You try to help but they lash out or shut down.
You’re left sitting there, helpless, heart aching, wondering how you’re going to get through ten more exams.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone.
Many parents find themselves in this exact position, especially during the first week of the Leaving Cert or Junior Cycle. So here’s some guidance to help you support your child and yourself through it.
First, Let’s Talk About You
It’s incredibly difficult to see your child upset, especially when they’ve worked so hard and seemed so steady up to now.
You might feel helpless, frustrated, or even blamed and those feelings are valid.
You don’t have to fix this all in one evening. Just being there is powerful.
Take a breath. doing your best.
️ What to Do Right After a Meltdown
If they’ve just come home from an exam in distress, the most helpful thing you can do is:
- Give them some space
- Offer food or a drink, quietly
- Wait for them to come to you
When they do, don’t rush to reassure or problem-solve. Just listen.
Try phrases like:
🗣️ “That sounds really hard.”
🗣️ “It makes sense you’d feel like this.”
🗣️ “I’m here when you’re ready to talk about it.”
🧠 Why Do Teens Blank in Exams?
When your teen’s mind goes blank during an exam, it’s not because they’re unprepared or incapable, it’s because their nervous system has gone into survival mode.
Under stress, the brain triggers the fight, flight, or freeze response. The thinking part of the brain (prefrontal cortex) temporarily shuts down so the body can focus on keeping safe. This means memory recall, focus, and logic become hard or impossible even if they know the material inside out.
It’s a normal biological response, not a personal failure.
What They Can Do (And Practice Tonight)
The good news is we can work with the nervous system. Here are a few tools your teen can start practicing this evening, so they’re ready if panic shows up again.
1. Memory Dump
At the start of the exam, jot down key info- quotes, formulas, facts- before answering anything. That way it’s on the page in case their mind blanks later. It’s a security and a reminder of everything they do know.
2. Breathing: “In, In, Out”
Two short breaths in through the nose, one slow breath out through the mouth.
In – In – Out. Repeat a few times. It helps calm the body and bring the thinking brain back online.
3. Progressive Muscle Relaxation
Gently tense and release different body parts — hands, shoulders, jaw, legs — for 3 seconds each. This releases the tension the body holds in stressful moments.
💡 Try this together tonight even just for 5–10 minutes ,so it feels natural and familiar if they need it tomorrow.
4. Grounding: 5–4–3–2–1
- 5 things you can see
- 4 things you can feel
- 3 things you can hear
- 2 things you can smell
- 1 thing you can taste
This brings the brain back into the present.
5. Positive Self Talk
Encourage your teen to repeat phrases like:
🧘 “I’ve done the work.”
🧘 “I can cope with this.”
🧘 “I just need to calm my body and let my brain catch up.”
If the Exam Was a Disaster – Then What?
Sometimes it really doesn’t go well. And that’s okay.
Even if today’s paper was a write-off, this is just one part of a much bigger story.
There are always other pathways:
- PLC courses
- Access programmes
- Repeats
- Transfers
- And a whole world of options beyond the CAO form.
One exam, even one Leaving Cert, doesn’t define your teen. There is more than one way to reach their goals.
And here’s what they really need to know:
They are strong enough to cope with whatever the outcome is.
You’ll be proud of them no matter what.
Not for the points but for their dedication, their effort, and the way they keep going.
One Last Thing (For You Again)
If they lash out, blame you, or push you away know this:
That’s what we do when we’re overwhelmed. You are their safest place. The reaction isn’t about you it’s about stress looking for somewhere to land.
You don’t need all the answers.
You just need to stay calm, keep showing up, and remind them in small, steady ways, that they’re not alone.
You’ve got this.
They’ve got this.
